


Voltron makes America gr8 again

by Graphite_Katanas



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Hawaiian Hunk (Voltron), Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Korean Keith (Voltron), Pidge is Pidge, RAGE happens, Shiro wears makeup, Team Voltron returns to Earth, Trump fired Iverson, Voltron is a mess, basically just a shit post, how do i even tag something like this, lots of swearing, the major character death is for trump, this is literal shit, turns out trump is president
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-03 00:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10955457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graphite_Katanas/pseuds/Graphite_Katanas
Summary: What if the Voltron fam returns from the galra war to Earth just to find that trump was elected president?DO YOU EVEN WANT TO KNOW probably notI wrote this based on a fever dream I had last week while I had pneumonia so yah please dont take this too seriously and also yes I personally dont like trumpBUT I dont want the comments section to just be all hate stuff, no matter your political opinion, so please find some chill and enjoy this shit post if you want





	Voltron makes America gr8 again

**Author's Note:**

> AGAIN THIS IS A TRASH POST and I make fun of trump a lot so if you're not into that plz don't start a comments war  
> there are no actual literary skills at play in this, I wrote it the way I talked about it to a friend while wheezing because I was sick  
> but you might find it funny idfk so here :P
> 
> I needed a break from writing my legitimate, well written, Langst fic - so this happened
> 
> I should've just written some klance smut but hey, this is mildly more creative

So the voltron crew finally gets back to Earth after defeating the Galra and Lotor and shit, or whatever the fuck shenanigans happen in season 3, and Shiro is back too and stuff and everyone is happy. So Allura is like ‘hey guys let’s go visit earth and learn about your culture and you guys can visit friends and family’ and Coran is like a precius fucking child just excited to see all the earth technology and shit. Lance has a huge ass family and is a total momma’s boi so he’s fuckin ready to hug everyone again and eat his mamas food and go to the beach and stuff, and Hunk is pretty much the same with his family but just like even more food happens and also bigger hugs.

Since we all saw Shiro and Matt looking badass in that goddamn teaser vid we can assume that Pidge gets her fam back, but like maybe not her dad I don’t fucking know. So little Pidge-Pidge is probably happy to get home and play some smash bros or whatever with Matt and just be siblings. Shiro like maybe has a family…? Probably. Somebody birthed him somewhere. But I imagine him to just have all these pilot friends from when he was training at the garrison and maybe him and the boys would sneak their muscular asses out of the facility and go for japanese takeout or some shit after hours or maybe not because Shiro is a good student. Keith is just a sad emo mullet potato and has no fam except space dad and knife knife and maybe lance if klance just fucking owns you, but also the keith fans can just [insert super ultra unique headcanon here] for what he would actually look forward to about earth.

Okay so everybody is getting pumped as the Castle approaches Earth and because it’s probably been like 3 years since they last saw it and there’s this big dramatic shot of them all looking at our little blue green planet from the bridge and just having all the flashbacks to their earth lives. And Allura and Coran are like oooooh pretty and maybe they also get all reminisce-y because it might remind them of altea or some cute bittersweet shit.

And because the show is produced in america probably because netflix, they have the team land in the states because no other country matters right now and that’s where everyone’s fams conveniently are maybe. So they land in the desert by the garrison like where the people drugged the shit out of shiro after they saw his robo arm and kpop hair or jpop hair or whatever other pop hair. And then instead of Iverson rolling up with the cavalry like WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CASTLE WHY DO YOU COME FROM SPACE WE HAVE GUNS GO AWAY it’s like mostly all regular feds and police and army shit

BECAUSE

BECAAAUSE

AMERICAN PRESIDENT FUCKING DONALD TRUMP IS THERE INSTEAD

That complete [all the bad and nasty expletives and ‘insert inhumane phobia here’ stuff] cuts all the funds for the space program because he’s too fucking worried about ISIS and having a bajillion nukes and also the mexicans and also trying to learn how to suck Putin’s dick properly. So maybe he has the balls to confront an alien vessel or maybe he’s just narcissistic so he shows up in all his flabby orange glory and squeezes all this xenophobic shit out of his constipated assface 

And the voltron crew is just floored like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHY ARE YOU IN CHARGE 

And lance will probably make a quality joke and just fucking roast trumps pancake face because he saw him in Home Alone, but then because lance is cuban and bi and stuff trump would just try to deport the shit out of him

And because keith is Texan trump would maybe be chill for a microsecond but keith is hella fucking gay and also half korean so trump would also try to deport the shit out of him but also manage to send some kind of war message to north korea at the same time and let that firecracker loose

And since trump is as fucking uncultured as spray cheese he probably wouldn’t even be able to place Hunk’s indigenous hawaiian background and would probably try to deport the shit out of him too and also be jealous of Hunk's beautiful large calloused hands

Whether or not you think Pidge is cis, trans, or non binary we can all agree that that kid will be ALL the fucking rage at Trump because he’s sexist and transphobic as fuck, it doesn’t matter that she’s white one. he’d just laugh pidge off like a small child and then press the magic ‘build a wall around this person i don’t like’ button - but then it doesn’t work because that costs ‘fuck tons of money and it’s stupid’, but trump in trump-world pretends that he knew that all along

Shiro is space dad devastated because what the fuck, and also what the fuck, and trump probably thinks shiro is chinese and then his spray tan implodes because shiro’s galra arm must be super secret bing bong chinese technology here to take away america’s false freedom.

Jesus fucking tits, the trump thinks, Putin warned me about china i should have knowwwwwn

But shiro is actually japanese and also savage and muscle-y and does better eyeliner than me but trump will try to deport the shit out of him anyway

And then we get to Coran and Allura and there is a small sign of hope because it looks like trump can actually tell that they’re aliens but so then he promptly calls them terrorists and gathers his wrinkles in an old orange grinch smile. Trump tweets that voltron is all just a terrorist group and that they all went into space in the first place to practice radical islam and also texts fox news so that they will be sure to talk about it on air

Or maybe trump thinks Allura is a black chick in cosplay and that Coran looks like the Lorax but more human and slightly less orange, who even knows what happens in donald’s head 

I didn’t like calling him donald, it felt too personal, im only calling him trump or literal trash from now on

And now here’s the fun part because imagine [your favourite voltron character here] just walking up and bitch slapping him and then everyone forms voltron and just takes out the fucking garbage

And so team voltron gets recognized as world heroes not only for stopping the galra from killing and enslaving everything but also for saving the earth from trump’s mind blowing and lethal stupidity

Yah

**Author's Note:**

> I'll see my Canadian ass out, no need to hold the door


End file.
